Do you feel that you must hurry, lest you be “left on the shelf?”

It is quite natural that your relatives, and especially your parents, should be interested in whom you marry. It is proper that they should propose possibilities and, within reasonable limits, even to campaign for them. They will do it, anyway. But do not let them, or anyone, push you into a marriage for which you are not ready. Above all, beware of the girl friend who tries to give you the impression that you have “led her on,” and that, therefore, it is now your duty to marry her. The main difference between altar and halter is H.

On the question of taking your opportunities while you have a chance, it is difficult to give wise advice. Certainly it is unwise to marry just because everyone else is doing it, and you want to be in the swim. Some people, too, are willing to accept almost anybody for fear that otherwise they may be left on the shelf. On the other hand, some are so particular that they pass up, to their undying regret, the chance to marry really good people because they hope for some Prince Charming of their imaginations who will never come. That, also is too bad. Do not let it happen to you.

Technorati Tags: marriage preperation

Does the other remind you strongly of some dear relative or friend whom you once loved? To what extent has this influenced your choice!

“And when I gazed into her eyes, then I knew,” whispered Phil. Phil was brought up by an Aunt Clara, whom he adored. Andria was about Aunt Clara’s height, and her gestures were strikingly similar. When she spoke, Phil heard the same soft, well-modulated voice which he had come to love as a child. No wonder that he was interested in Andria as soon as they had met.

On their first date he noted around her eyes the same cute wrinkles he had loved in his aunt. And in Andria’s eyes was the same shade of greenish-blue.

To Phil it was love at first sight; a mysterious Act of God, who intended that they should marry. Actually, it was Phil’s love for his aunt which Andria’s similarities stirred up in Phil with overwhelming compulsion.

Phil’s imagination did the rest. He naturally felt that Andria must have the same simple integrity, the same gentle patience and the same unselfish love as had Aunt Clara. How could Phil know, or even believe that Andria was selfish, spoiled, and something of a cheat?

Yet he did have sense enough to know that one must be especially careful about “love at first sight.” With the help of a wise counselor he began to see the reasons for his feelings. As he became aware of Andria’s physical resemblances to his aunt, and saw their relationship to his love, his feelings changed. Andria was no longer even mildly interesting to him.

Such extreme cases may be rare, but less extreme ones are common. Many young people have been considerably influenced to choose one person rather than another because some look or gesture reminded them of a loved one. Have you considered the possibility of such influences in your choice?

Technorati Tags: love transference, marriage preperation, transference

How much has sex desire influenced your choice?

A group of young men coming out of a movie theatre agreed that the actress whom they had just seen star in the show was one of the most luscious creatures in the world. In discussing some of the implications of her attractions one of them suddenly remarked, “Do you realize that five different men have actually been married to her, and none of them wanted to keep her?”

If sex appeal were the most important consideration in marriage, the Hollywood marriages would be outstandingly successful. There is probably more sex appeal there than in any marriages anywhere in the world. Yet they are notoriously unstable. Obviously, something more than sex must be added.

Recent studies in psychology have given us a partial answer to this puzzle. We have now learned that sex can be continuously satisfying only when and as it involves the response of total personalities to each other. Men soon tire of women, however beautiful they may be, unless the relationship is basically personal. Here are some of the places where sex attraction can lead astray.

Young men of high ideals may become attracted sexually to certain girls. Such desires may become so strong that they will propose marriage to girls who are quite unsuitable for them, because only so can they satisfy their sex desires without violating their consciences.

Other men, not so high in ideals, become obsessed with a desire for sex relationships with attractive girls whom they cannot “make” outside of marriage. Rhett Butler in Gone With the Wind married Scarlett O’Hara because he could not get her without marriage. Both these situations present the real danger that, once the desire has been satisfied either within or outside of marriage, the man loses interest.

If you are a girl whom men find unusually attractive, you have a special problem at this point. It will be difficult for both you and them to know whether what they feel toward you is substantial enough to sustain a sound marriage or, because it is primarily physical; will prove to be only a passing fancy. Your best safeguard is the character and integrity of the man.

You can tell this in part by what he cares about. If he cares about ideals, if he is concerned with making the world a better place, he may be a good risk. On the other hand, if he claims to be interested only in you, do not be flattered; be warned.

This world of ours is an extremely interesting place. It has also become so dangerous that we had better be interested in making it reasonably safe. The man who claims to be interested only in a girl is either a liar, or so deficient in development that he ought not to marry anybody.

Technorati Tags: marriage preperation, Relationship Stages, sex desire