Problems with Love Transference
Does the other remind you strongly of some dear relative or friend whom you once loved? To what extent has this influenced your choice!
“And when I gazed into her eyes, then I knew,” whispered Phil. Phil was brought up by an Aunt Clara, whom he adored. Andria was about Aunt Clara’s height, and her gestures were strikingly similar. When she spoke, Phil heard the same soft, well-modulated voice which he had come to love as a child. No wonder that he was interested in Andria as soon as they had met.
On their first date he noted around her eyes the same cute wrinkles he had loved in his aunt. And in Andria’s eyes was the same shade of greenish-blue.
To Phil it was love at first sight; a mysterious Act of God, who intended that they should marry. Actually, it was Phil’s love for his aunt which Andria’s similarities stirred up in Phil with overwhelming compulsion.
Phil’s imagination did the rest. He naturally felt that Andria must have the same simple integrity, the same gentle patience and the same unselfish love as had Aunt Clara. How could Phil know, or even believe that Andria was selfish, spoiled, and something of a cheat?
Yet he did have sense enough to know that one must be especially careful about “love at first sight.” With the help of a wise counselor he began to see the reasons for his feelings. As he became aware of Andria’s physical resemblances to his aunt, and saw their relationship to his love, his feelings changed. Andria was no longer even mildly interesting to him.
Such extreme cases may be rare, but less extreme ones are common. Many young people have been considerably influenced to choose one person rather than another because some look or gesture reminded them of a loved one. Have you considered the possibility of such influences in your choice?
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