Your Readiness for Marriage
Like most intelligent young people you have gone beyond the stage where you believe that good intentions and sentimental feelings are enough. You know that success in marriage means having what it takes to do a good job. A part of your problem concerns your own readiness for marriage. Here are some questions you should ask your¬selves.
Are you both old enough to marry?
This question is not answered easily. How old is “old enough?” People vary a great deal in the ages at which they become mature. A few exceptional people might be ready for marriage in their teens. Others are much too “young” at thirty. In our discussions here we shall not concern ourselves with the rare exceptions at either end of the scale. We are concerned with the vast majority of young people.
How old should people be before they marry? A good approach is to find out how old people are when they actually do marry. In our country, the age of most men today at the time of first marriage is about twenty-four. Their brides are slightly over twenty-one. Contrary to popular opinion, people of today are not older, but younger at the time of marriage than they were fifty years ago.
Men of today marry about two years earlier, and girls about six months earlier than did their grandparents. Yet in all times there is a wide difference in the ages at which people marry. College graduates, and those who enter the professions, usually marry considerably later than the rest of the population.
Having considered briefly the ages at which people do marry, let us now consider the ages at which they should marry. One of the first studies of this subject, made many years ago, presented some interesting conclusions. The investigators suggested that the groom should be at least twenty-four, and preferably twenty-nine, and the bride at least nineteen, and preferably twenty-four.
Later studies by such investigators as Terman and Burgess and Cottrell have modified these conclusions somewhat. They indicate that teen-age marriages are the least successful. They suggest that marriage in the early to middle twenties is desirable. These conclusions find substantial support from other sources. Child-bearing is easiest and safest in the early twenties, although modern science has made it increasingly safe for all ages.
The Kinsey studies indicate that men reach their peak of sex desire well before twenty, so that the postponement of marriage places a strain upon those who observe traditional moral standards. Yet emotional maturity and economic competence take time to develop. And if marriage is to represent a complete fulfillment of the love relationship, emotionally as well as physically, the couple should wait for marriage until they are fully ready.
For most couples the best age for marriage seems to be from the early to the middle twenties.
Remember, however, that you are not a statistic, or even two statistics. You are you. The question is not, “What is the best age for young people to marry?” but “What is the best age for you to marry?” The best way to decide is to look at what marriage involves, and then try to see whether or not you have what it takes.
Posted in Marriage Preparation
