Reforming Marriage
How would you describe the spiritual aroma of your home? The source of this aroma is the relationship between husband and wife. Many can fake an attempt at keeping God’s standards in some external way. What we cannot fake is the resulting, distinctive aroma of pleasure to God.
Reforming Marriage does what few books on marriage do today: it provides biblical advice. Douglas Wilson points to the need for obedient hearts on the part of both husbands and wives. Godly marriages proceed from obedient hearts, and the greatest desire of an obedient heart is the glory of God.
User Ratings and Reviews
5 Stars A must-read for husbands and wives
I bought this as a wedding gift for my best friend and her husband who just got married. I thought the book would get them much, much farther in life than a stainless steel place setting. 
In all seriousness, this book is a phenomenal read, implementing biblical principles in a very readable style. Some books tell you what not to do; this book explains *why*. I highly recommend Reforming Marriage for husbands and wives, or even engaged couples preparing for marriage.
5 Stars Best book on christian marriage I have ever read
After reading many reviews of this book I decided to get it. I was not disappointed. It is very challenging on many levels, biblically based, and clear. Wilson does not pull any punches and although you might find yourself smarting a bit after reading a particularly convicting section, you can’t really argue against it. It is going on my short list of books to “master.”
3 Stars Read with saltshaker in hand
If you take this book with a grain (or several) of salt, you can glean some useful, (mostly) Scriptural advice from it. Just bear in mind that Wilson has a tendency to either place his own opinions on the level of dogma, or to bend Scripture and pull it out of context to support his opinions. Here are a few examples:
Wilson calls it “a fundamental rebellion against God” for a woman to keep her birth name, rather than to take her husband’s name upon marriage. He attempts to make a Biblical case for his position by pointing out that in Genesis 5:2, God calls both the male and female “Man” or “mankind,” and that the word translated “mankind” is “Adam” in the Hebrew. Wilson apparently fails to realize that the custom of a woman changing her surname upon marriage is purely cultural–in fact, a large portion of the world’s cultures, even the more patriarchal ones, do not change the wife’s name to that of her husband’s. His attempt to read a cultural custom into Genesis is a far-fetched leap of logic. Rather than twist Scripture and assign the “rebellious feminist” tag to all women who happen not to follow English common law, Wilson would do better to say that *in his opinion,* the practice of a wife adopting her husband’s surname is a valuable tradition that reflects the unity of the marriage state, but is not a practice addressed in Scripture.
Another weird opinion of Wilson’s, found in several places in this book, is the assertion that a husband is responsible for maintaining his wife’s “loveliness.” It was never clear in the book what exactly Wilson meant by this, except that he believed the results should be physically “visible.” I presume that Wilson did not mean that the husband should stock up on Botox for his wife. Beyond this, however, since he never clarified his meaning, I can only speculate. I would guess that Wilson meant that the husband should ensure the growth of his wife’s inner beauty, and that this inner beauty will translate into a greater physical beauty. As nice as this idea sounds, Wilson never gave any practical advice on how to accomplish this end. I’m guessing that’s because it’s impossible to cultivate inner beauty in another person–inner beauty is something that each person must work on for himself/herself. Therefore, there really isn’t any practical advice that Wilson could give on this.
Wilson is also annoying in that much of his rhetoric reveals a maddeningly condescending view of women. Here are a few choice samples:
1) “A wife must not complain in her fruitfulness . . . . it is the wife’s duty to submit to the will of God and gladly bear children for her husband.” (i.e., no matter how much pain and discomfort you’re experiencing in your pregnancy, just shut up about it and do your duty, woman.)
2) “Wives need to be led with a firm hand. A wife will often test her husband in some area, and be deeply disappointed if he gives in to her.” This would be great advice if you substituted “toddlers” and “parents” for “wives” and “husbands” respectively in this passage.
Yet despite my frustrations with some of Wilson’s opinions and his sometimes-pompous tone, I actually enjoyed much of his advice. And with the exception of few caveats on minor points, as laid out above, I believe Wilson’s approach was generally a Biblical one. He had many good things to say about love and respect in marriage. For example, he emphasizes that while each partner needs both love and respect from the other, the husband’s primary need is respect, while the wife’s primary need is love. He discusses how true love in marriage is “far better” even than the romantic spark of infatuation, because it matures and grows. He addresses the necessity of keeping “short accounts” with each other–addressing small problems as soon as possible, before they grow into large problems and before there is time for resentment to build up. He emphasizes the importance of resolving disagreements privately and presenting a united front to your children and the world in general. And most importantly, he uses the model of Christ and the Church to demonstrate sacrificial love on the part of the husband and submission on the part of the wife.
I should also add that although Wilson is occasionally condescending toward women, as noted in the examples above, his overall attitude is not quite as chauvinistic (for lack of a better word) as some of the reviews here might lead one to believe. He urges women who excel in education and accomplishments not to dumb themselves down to attract a man; instead, such women should raise their expectations. He also notes that a woman’s job as keeper of the home does not necessarily entail her staying at home all of the time: she should be oriented toward the home, but her industry can lead her to work outside the house as well.
Bottom line: If you can pick your way past Wilson’s many dogmatic opinions scattered throughout the book, you will find that this basic, yet thought-provoking read can refresh your perspective on Christian marriage.
5 Stars So far, the Best Book on Marriage in the Christian Home
As I was listening to this audiobook, I was impressed that Douglas Wilson stuck with the Biblical concepts of marriage. The concepts of this book is exactly what is needed in today’s world. It is refreshing to see someone going back to the Bible basics on what a Christian Home should be like. I recommend this to be part of any Church study for couples young and old.
4 Stars Excellent Biblical Advice on Marriage
If you’ve read your bible you shouldn’t be surprised by anything in this book- it’s all in there and it is sound doctrine- but it has been washed over, ignored, and disregarded by many churches/christians for the last 30 years. Thankfully we seem to be seeing the slow reemergence of this important topic. I call it a must read for any young single person hoping to marry one day AND for everyone else who is already married- husbands as well as wives. When BOTH parties in a marriage follow the biblical standard and purpose of marriage it is a beautiful and blessed thing! If you want your own personal ministry to carry Gods seal of approval, you must have your own household swept clean and put in order. This is a book that will motivate you to do just that.
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