Are you actively related to some organization or group interested in making the world a better place?

Here the word “active” is important. Merely having a nominal membership or making a small donation is not enough. For despite the disunity which may result from differences regarding the support of “worthy causes,” the concern which these represent is of great importance to the success of the family itself.

To begin with, activity in a common cause which they earnestly share can be a powerful bond uniting the couple more closely. We know that men in the same combat unit, such as a bomber crew, quickly develop amazingly strong feelings of attachment for each other. Few things weld people together as strongly and as closely as fighting side by side against a common foe for a common goal.
 
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In the second place, social concern is an indication that you can rise above the small, selfish interests which threaten a marriage. The man who is vitally interested in a better city government is not likely to spend too much time being suspiciously jealous of his wife.

The woman who is fighting for better schools will be less likely to feel resentful toward her husband because he does not bring her presents all the time. Those who are willing to make real sacrifices for ideal ends are certainly interested in something beyond themselves. And such a concern for others is among the most im¬portant character essentials for success in marriage.

Finally, an active social concern is essential to the job of being a good homemaker. It sounds very well to say, “My job is not to go running around to all kinds of meetings. The best way I can contribute to a better world is to stay home and do a good job with my own family.”

But what is “doing a good job?” Is it spending all one’s time in washing walls and cooking fancy dishes? Your family does not exist in a social vacuum. It is part of a community, of a social and economic system. Unless this larger setting is healthy, you may not be able to “do a good job.” The lady who resented a donation to the Better Government Association felt quite differently about it when her own daughter was robbed—a crime which greater police efficiency could have prevented.

Those who stay home and pay no attention to economic reform may feel quite differently about it when a depression comes which puts the husband out of a job. We live in what is, in some respects, an evil and a dangerous world. We cannot put out a fire or prevent world conflagration by staying home and minding our own business.

The gangs in the neighborhood, the condition of the government and the schools—these are the business of parents, far more than running a vacuum cleaner and frying chicken. Nor is it enough merely to check evils. We must also participate in the intelligent planning and creative building of the future.

People are rightly committed to great social and religious purposes, and to the programs and institutions which bring these to pass. The couple which works together for a better community is not driving a wedge of separation between themselves. They are forging a powerful bond of unity. Parents in the thick of the fight are doing more than helping protect their children.

They can also make them strong. For safety in our kind of world is best achieved not through shelter, but through active understanding. One of the best services which parents can render their children is to open the windows of their homes and let the world, with its evil and its good, flow through.

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Do you have common interests in actively promoting “worthy causes?”

Will your interests and activities in such things as church work bring you together or pull you apart?

If you believe in the church, or the Civic Improvement Society, or the Red Cross, you will probably donate money to them. If you have enough money for everything, or if your gifts are small enough, you may have little difficulty. But most families can donate money only at the expense of something else.

However corrupt the city government may be, the wife may resent the five dollars you gave to the Better Government Association, especially if she was trying to save up enough to buy Junior a new coat. Or she may feel strongly that a man with growing sons ought to make a generous donation to the Stop-the-Next-War movement before he buys a new set of golf clubs.

The spending of time may cause even more conflict. “John has plenty of time for some old meeting, but he never has time to take me to a dance or a show.” “Mary would do a lot more good if, instead of all this P.T.A. work, she would clean the house once in a while, and be there when the kids get home from school.” Or, “I don’t mind going to church occasionally, but this business of having to be there every Sunday to teach a class, so that we can never take a trip into the country even when the weather is perfect, that is just too much.”

Another, although usually minor source of conflict concerns your friends. People who work with others naturally become attached to their fellow-workers and may want to bring them into their homes. In some instances, they may get most of their social life out of such attachments. If both
of you are vitally interested in the same causes and people, little difficulty should result.  But if one is “dragged out” to social affairs in which he has little interest, or has to entertain others whom he may dislike, trouble may result.

Naturally a couple cannot settle all such problems in advance of their marriage. But by facing the issue, each one may be able to get a fairly good idea of what he is in for. If June was active in her Union and has eagerly volunteered for picket duty, such interests may be expected to continue even if she marries and quits her job.

If James was the very active president of the Christian Endeavor, we must not be surprised if he assumes active responsibilities in the church which tie him up Sundays. If Paul has strong convictions about good government, world peace or economic justice, these should be expected to continue. Remember, marriage does not change people basically. Age and experience may change them profoundly after they are married. But do not bank on it. Marrying a person to “reform” him, either for better or for worse, is a proposition more than dubious.

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