Christian Counseling That Really Works Compass Therapy In Action

Christian counseling, compass therapy, self compass, pastoral counseling, biblical counseling, Dan Montgomery, counseling techniques, personality, chaplaincy, counseling theory, compass model, personality theory

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5 Stars Excellent framework for effective therapy
This book introduces the reader to the compass model and how to use it to zero in on exactly where a counselee is having problems. The compass theory is easy to understand and to apply in its basic form. Author Dr. Dan Montgomery has developed this technique and shares it with Christian Counselors as an effective counseling tool. Dr. Montgomery is well respected among his peers and has held a license as a Psychologist and Marriage and Family Therapist for over twenty-five years. He has taught at the Pepperdine University Graduate School of Psychology, the United States International University, and the University of New Mexico. His work and techniques are praised by the likes of the Yale Divinity School, Princeton Theological Seminary, and Fuller Theological Seminary.

In the book Dr. Montgomery covers the basics of the Compass system, the anatomy of a counseling session, dealing with the counselee’s image of God, and using metaphors and symbolization in therapy. Appendix I provides basic commentary on twenty-five specific techniques that provide quality tools to aid the counselor. In the second appendix he even includes some short True/False self-assessment tests to help map out the counselee’s position on the compass.

Written for the Christian Counselor these techniques and the compass model can be used not only by clinicians but also by pastors, chaplains, and others involved in this healing ministry. Christian Counseling that Really Works is highly recommended to everyone involved in counseling in any form.

5 Stars It is, indeed, Christian counseling that works!
As I converted from Islam into Christianity, I have had my own set of issues to deal with. How easy for people to throw in Bible verses right in your face and they think they just “fixed” your pain problem. By leaving Islam, I dealt with rejection as an outcast. I have also had a lot of anger and less trust in people after being betrayed. I have talked to many people of godly counsel, but frankly nobody is like Dan Montgomery. He is not in an ivory tower but he is right down to earth and meets you where you are in a compassionate way showing you how to truly apply the Bible principles in counseling that really”works”. I liked a lot what he had to say on feeling God’s presence even though when we don’t feel like it. I had to read this part in his book over and over again. I even plan to translate to myself in Arabic, my native tongue, and apply it to myself as well as those I evangelize in the Muslim religion. This is “The Lean-Against-the Wall Technique” on pages 115,116,117 and 118. As I have come to explore the American male psyche, this part is the best answer that I can also give in response to the question of why I don’t feel like my prayer just hit the wall and I can’t feel God. If you read where I have begun all along in my Christian journey and how Dan has helped me, you would really appreciate his book enormously.

5 Stars If you really want to change your behavior, this is the book for you
Self-help books fill the shelves but very few provide real, lasting help in making real, lasting changes. This book does. It doesn’t matter if you read it as a counselor looking for new ideas to assist patients or as a person seeking to make life changes, this book “really works” as the title says. If you’re looking for something that will actually make a difference in the way you cope with life situations, difficult people, personal challenges or emotionally stresses, pick this book up today.

5 Stars Compass Therapy Empowers Both Therapists and Counselees
Compass Therapy is an impressive addition to the field of counseling and psychotherapy. The Self Compass and the 25 therapeutic techniques enrich counseling sessions and empower treatment strategies. Clients find these concepts user-friendly and relevant to daily life.

5 Stars Dallas Theological Seminary Biblical Counseling Review
“Through the Self Compass Model framework and the many techniques that Dan Montgomery utilizes you see examples of Christ’s love coming alive in the counseling session. I appreciate his many insights into healing the whole person: body, mind, emotions, and spirit. This is what good Christian counseling looks like!”

Linda Marten, Ph.D., Department of Biblical Counseling

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Has this eagerness made you feel love for unsuitable persons because you could get them?

Getting married is, and should be, a romantic and thrilling adventure. The excitement of getting ready, the wedding in which you are the center of attention, the thrill of establishing a new and intimate relationship with another person; these rightly have great appeal.

When June comes and you see so many of your friends getting married, and there is someone special whom you like and who wants to marry you, it is quite a temptation! No wonder that under such circumstances some people feel that they are in love.

The danger is that such marriages may end up as “roller coaster” marriages. They are highly exciting at first and for a brief time. But the couple ends up at the bottom with a thrill which is past. Those who are rather lonely and hungry for love must be especially careful about this.

The love which they think they feel toward a person may really be a love for the excitement of getting married. Even when there are other bases, this love for a thrill may be enough, in combination with other motives, to push us into a marriage which is not for the best. All should watch out for this temptation!

Christian Marriage Counseling

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How much has sex desire influenced your choice?

A group of young men coming out of a movie theatre agreed that the actress whom they had just seen star in the show was one of the most luscious creatures in the world. In discussing some of the implications of her attractions one of them suddenly remarked, “Do you realize that five different men have actually been married to her, and none of them wanted to keep her?”

If sex appeal were the most important consideration in marriage, the Hollywood marriages would be outstandingly successful. There is probably more sex appeal there than in any marriages anywhere in the world. Yet they are notoriously unstable. Obviously, something more than sex must be added.

Recent studies in psychology have given us a partial answer to this puzzle. We have now learned that sex can be continuously satisfying only when and as it involves the response of total personalities to each other. Men soon tire of women, however beautiful they may be, unless the relationship is basically personal. Here are some of the places where sex attraction can lead astray.

Young men of high ideals may become attracted sexually to certain girls. Such desires may become so strong that they will propose marriage to girls who are quite unsuitable for them, because only so can they satisfy their sex desires without violating their consciences.

Other men, not so high in ideals, become obsessed with a desire for sex relationships with attractive girls whom they cannot “make” outside of marriage. Rhett Butler in Gone With the Wind married Scarlett O’Hara because he could not get her without marriage. Both these situations present the real danger that, once the desire has been satisfied either within or outside of marriage, the man loses interest.

If you are a girl whom men find unusually attractive, you have a special problem at this point. It will be difficult for both you and them to know whether what they feel toward you is substantial enough to sustain a sound marriage or, because it is primarily physical; will prove to be only a passing fancy. Your best safeguard is the character and integrity of the man.

You can tell this in part by what he cares about. If he cares about ideals, if he is concerned with making the world a better place, he may be a good risk. On the other hand, if he claims to be interested only in you, do not be flattered; be warned.

This world of ours is an extremely interesting place. It has also become so dangerous that we had better be interested in making it reasonably safe. The man who claims to be interested only in a girl is either a liar, or so deficient in development that he ought not to marry anybody.

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How much have you been swayed by “minor point” attractions?

In all areas of life, people often choose upon the basis of what is relatively unimportant. In selecting a second-hand car, for example, they may choose one which has serious defects just because they like the looks of the dash, or the color of the upholstery, or the general lines.

There is the old story of the couple who even bought a house in the country because of such minor point attractions. In the moonlight, when they saw it first, it seemed the most beautifully picturesque place they could imagine. Outside was the Old Oaken Bucket hanging in the well. Inside, a huge fireplace took up one end of a large living room, through the walls of which the moon made charming patterns on the floor. Even the sag in the roof gave an appearance of stalwart patience which they felt belonged to the house.

They were as eager to buy it as the agent was to sell. Then they moved in.

They had not expected perfection, but. . . . The lovely fireplace smoked so much as to be almost unusable, yet was the only means of heating the place. Through the holes which had admitted the moonlight also came the rain and cold and snow. The romantic Old Oaken Bucket weighed a ton, and there seemed no way of emptying it without spilling water all over yourself, and it was the only source of water.

By December they could no longer stand it and moved out, which was fortunate. In January the patience of the sagging roof was no longer stalwart, and the whole thing caved in.

“You’re lovely to look at, delightful to know, and heaven to kiss.” So ran a old popular song. A combination like this is certainly desirable. As with a car or a house, nice lines and a good paint job are all to the good.  So also is that lock of curly hair, the charming smile, the way her cute little nose wrinkles when she laughs, and those alluring eyes. But if you allow such minor points to determine your choice, you may, like the couple who bought the charming house, come to grief.

The belief that marriage is a prolonged party may cause us to choose the one with whom we can have the most fun. “I have such a good time with Jim on a date.” “Fred is so upbeat and so exciting.” “Doris is so sparkling and vivacious on a picnic.” “Marian is such a charming hostess.” And so the list goes.

All such qualities are desirable and can add much to a marriage. But they are not enough. If we are employing a woman as an accountant, it is nice if she can write training material and fix the copy machine. But the important consideration is her accounting ability.

So it is with a marriage partner. Many people who are wonderful dates at a dance, or fine companions for a summer vacation are not at all suitable for the long pull of marriage.

In your choice, then, make sure that you are not influenced too much by minor point attractions. How will she be to live with? How well will he wear, year after year? Will you have to carry her when the going gets tough, or will she come through when you are under your greatest pressures? Such are the important considerations in choosing a mate.

Christian Marriage Counseling

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How well do you know each other?

A valid type of love takes time to develop. The Hollywood lover may murmur softly to the girl whom he has just met, “I’ve known you all my life.” But he is following a script, not stating a fact. Really coming to know a person takes time, and lots of it.

Couples advice studies indicate that those couples who have been engaged for two years or longer are most successful in their marriages. And presumably they knew each other for some time before they became engaged.

But time is not the only consideration. Important also is the kind of association which you have had together. George and Mabel have known each other for eight years. But during all this time they have been together hardly twenty times, and all these contacts were at formal parties and dances, where people wear their best behavior as well as their best clothes.

Actually George and Mabel do not know each other nearly well enough to become engaged. By far the best situation for couples is that in which the young people have grown up together from childhood. But this is not for most of us.

The best which most young people can do is a few years of group association. They go around for some time with the same “crowd.” Or it may be that they belong to the same church, the same political groups, or they have gone to school together. Here the important consideration is not merely the time span through which such associations have taken place, but the number and the kind of the associations.

Long Term Couples Advice

What kinds of associations have you had with each other? One of the best ways to get to know anyone is to work with him. By this we do not mean merely to work in the same factory or office. We mean to work with him at the same job.

Tom thought that he knew Violet and Rose fairly well. He had dated them individually several times, and had gone to many parties and activities with them. But not until he worked with them on the school paper did he really get to know them.

In a job like this you cannot stay on your good behavior for long. In order to turn work out, you must relax and be yourself. One Friday when the printer failed to get his copy out for the paper due Monday, Tom saw two personalities whom he had never known before.

The Rose wilted, cried, and went home with a headache. The Violet, however, refused to shrink. She said some things over the phone that would not have been printable. Then she collected Tom and two other boys, and they visited the printer. They stayed there together until the copy was finished and the presses ready to roll the first thing Monday morning. The old adage should be changed to “You never really know a man or woman until you have worked with them under pressure.” You who are becoming mutually interested; how well do you really know each other?

Read some of our other posts for more couples advice.

Christian Marriage Counseling

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How strong are your interests in common?

What sports and amusements do you enjoy together?

We start with this, not because fun is too important, but because it is what so often first brings the young couple together. A boy and a girl find that they like to swim, play tennis, and go to shows together. This is a fine start, and some of these activities can be enjoyed together for many years. But physical activities can do no more than to give the initial push.

As people grow older their physical energies diminish. They become interested in other things. And in any case, marriages are not mainly recreation. Therefore it is essential that the couple consider other interests which will hold up better under the long pull.

What intellectual or cultural interests do you have, such as music, drama, literature, painting, or history?

This list may seem to be of possible interest only to highbrow intellectuals. Yet many people of little formal schooling have developed considerable interest in, and taste for good music and art. Other people have less pretentious hobbies, such as woodworking, dog breeding or clay modeling.

Every family should have at least one amateur photographer. Some of these interests may be related to a vocation.

Frank had a very real interest in his garage work. The girl whom he finally married developed a very profitable, but no less real interest in raising chickens.

It is not necessary that both husband and wife have the same interests. In some ways, their relationships will be more fruitful if one specializes in one thing and the other in another. Then by sharing, they can both have a broader development.

It is important that they do have interests. The person who has interests is more interesting as a person. The wife who spends considerable time in her garden and really tries to do a good job, may prove far more attractive to her husband than if she spent the time in a salon.

Furthermore, interests which seem quite divergent can often be shared in most valuable ways. Cathy was a research physician and Alex a sculptor and painter. When she wrote a book on a technical medical subject, he illustrated it.

One need not be a specialist in the field of the other. A couple needs only interests to share, and interest enough in what the other is doing to make possible the sharing. A young couple will rarely know in advance just what and how their interests may later develop. They should be able to tell, however, the extent to which either or both is alive to any part of life which is beyond themselves.

But if you discover that one or both of you has no significant interests, what then? Your answer will depend upon what you want from each other. Some men, often because they feel inferior, want a wife who will be little more than an appendage to the household and otherwise be as colorless as possible.

Likewise, some wives will want husbands who will provide reasonably well financially, but who otherwise will trouble them as little as possible. We shall not here pass judgment upon such persons. We shall say only that if this is what either or both of you want, you should both know it and face fully what it means.

But if you want your marriage to be a rich companionship, real interests are essential. Marry a person without hair, teeth, fingernails, or a nose, but not one without interests.

Christian Marriage Counseling

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More “reasons not to get” married advice:

Is your home or work situation unhappy?

Are you marrying to “get away from it all?”

The trains came and the trains went on through Smallville, but Susan never went anywhere except to visit her aunt and uncle who lived in the same kind of small town about fifty miles down the line. Oscar was a nice boy with whom she had gone through high school. She liked him, and he was really interested in her. But if she married him, what could that bring her? Oscar was working in his father’s store, which some day he would take over, and they would be stuck in Smallville all their lives.

But Jerry was something different. Jerry was a counselor in a boy’s camp, whom she had met at a dance one Saturday night. She had been dating him on his nights off ever since, for Jerry was not like the hicks in Smallville. He was from Big Town. If she married him she would live where things were really going on; could go to the theatre where big stars played in person, shop at really big stores, and mingle with real crowds.

Susan knew little about Jerry except that he had a fast line, a citified manner, and a job in the Big City. But since she was in love with him, wasn’t that enough? Or was she only in love with the possibility of getting out of Smallville?

How often is this “love” which some feel the desire to get away from a quarrelsome, bickering family, a dominating mother, or a tight little office in which one feels stifled? It is understandable that people should strive to get away from that which annoys them, although the basic reasons for the annoyance may be in themselves.

When you marry you assume responsibilities; you do not escape them. A good marriage will mean that life will be much richer and more worth-while, but it will not be easier. Marriage creates as many problems as it solves. The success of your marriage will depend upon what you are getting into, not what you get away from.

Were you ever engaged before?

How many times, and how recently?

Have you suffered any bitterness or humiliation?

Life often brings difficult and sometimes humiliating experiences. We are rejected by our crowd. We break with our own family. We lose our job. Other events come which make us discouraged, embittered, or frightened. In such times it is quite natural for us to want the love and security which a good marriage can bring.

The emphasis here should be on a good marriage. The danger is that we feel that almost any marriage will bring us the support we wish, and act hastily and unwisely. Remember, marriage is not a hospital, or even a convalescent home. It brings not only additional joys, but also additional burdens. If you have been badly hurt, wait until you have recovered before taking on its responsibilities.

Be especially careful if you have recently been disappointed in a previous love affair. It is a difficult experience to be jilted, especially after we have been “all set.” We may want desperately to “show our friends,” and to reassure ourselves.

If your engagement has but recently been broken, wait until the hurt has had time to heal fully before you commit yourself again. Or, if you are suddenly urged to rush into marriage by someone who has but recently been jilted, review the situation with especial care. Make sure that he wants you, rather than just anybody who will marry him.

Beware of the person who has been engaged several times. There is probably something which needs to be straightened out before marriage should be attempted. You may want to get expert counseling in such a case.

See our other “reasons not to get” married advice post.

Christian Marriage Counseling

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